If you (you being the one who wants to find the husband eventually…or soon enough to reproduce in your dwindling reproductive years!
) are determined to move from, say, DC to, say, San Francisco, then is there a point in actively trying to date when your mind and body are dying to blow this taco stand and get to the new, errr, taco stand?
I think it’s important to understand that all of the thoughts listed above, many times, aren’t true.
Just because someone has moved on quickly, it doesn’t mean that they didn’t love us or that they’re over us or that the relationship didn’t matter to them.
It can feel like he’s disrespecting the time you had together because he’s not miserable, depressed, and holed up hidden away from the world. Guys do not handle negative emotions well and will fight very hard to stay in a place of contentedness.
When you first meet someone, it’s actually pretty easy to paint that person with one large brushstroke because you really don’t know that much about him.
In other words, because you don’t have much information, you decide to fill in the blanks by using your own imagination.
You’re busy keeping your world afloat in DC and plot a move to the West Coast. In other words, by not caring and letting your guard down, you’re going to be happier, more carefree, more approachable and more authentic to men. We just had a recent blog post about choosing a city over a man (the woman chose the man instead), so I don’t want to belabor the point, but I have a quick anecdote that may shed light on the “right” thing to do. And for everyone else who is reading this and not planning on changing cities, your takeaway is that being successful in dating is in letting go of expectations and being your most relaxed self no matter where you are.
So instead of being as proactive as I ask my clients to be (a half hour a day on Match.com, for example), you can simply remain open to the possibilities as they present themselves. And when you’re at your best, that’s usually when the best guys come waltzing in to sweep you off your feet – right before you’re about to go away. I have a friend who struggled in love, all the way up into her 40’s. Don’t wait to turn on your A-Game when you’re in Costa Rica or packing the van for Chicago.
I am still going through the phases of our breakup and I can’t even fathom the idea of meeting and talking to a new guy right now. here you are feeling all this pain, heartbreak and sadness…