Now the woman I vowed to spend my life with has boxed her stockings and moved away. Meanwhile, I'm struggling to survive the only way I know how: Week 1: Beer. Week 3: Order Solo Dinners for Chumps cookbook (a must to avoid scurvy). I've never been afraid to ask for directions, so I went to the bookstore and searched through acres of self-help books but couldn't find any survival books for separated/divorced men. Terry, seem quaintly Anglo, like they live in Connecticut and drink chamomile tea. They bring positive mood to all people around you." Well, I certainly want to bring positive mood to all people. 105 has that one covered: "You can make your fake smile look more realistic by raising your eyebrows." Cool.
While I bender-drank for days, he just lay on the couch, glaring between sighs. And by people, I mean smart, funny women who are irresistibly attracted to emotionally dented hermits. Out of nowhere, a fun new Facebook friend invites me for a drink. She's smart and funny, but my gurus warn me not to rush into anything: "There is nothing as tacky as jumping from relationship to relationship as a leech jumps from host to host." Then again, they also say, "Try to accept every invitation" and "Just be yourself but be nicer." So I tell her, "Sure, I love drinking."We agree to meet at a hotel bar the next night. Plus my hands are manicured and my cheeks are soft and shiny (Tip No. In the taxi, I study my gurus' Arrive to a Party Like a Diva Tips. Stay there for a few seconds and give a slow glance across the room.
208: "Avoid black on a first date"), and my best butt-hugging jeans, but not too low-riding (Tip No.
272: "Kiss with your eyes first." She smiles, jumps up and gives me a hug. If you encounter a comment that is abusive, click the "X" in the upper right corner of the comment box to report spam or abuse.
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They’d been together for 10 years, married for two. James and I have our ups and our downs in what could be called “still the honeymoon phase.” And many of them, frankly, have to do with how he used to be married to someone else. There’s some immediate satisfaction of knowing, of course. I’m sorry to say it, but this one’s a real lose/lose. The recently divorced man is, with little exception, the recently traumatized man.
They’d met young, in their early 20s, and had decided, two months before James and I met, to divorce. James had been the one to request the divorce; his wife had been devastated by his decision. There’s not a week that goes by that I don’t think either A) I’m thrilled he’s got that experience under his belt, or B) Why god, did I have to fall in love with a guy with an ex-wife? But beyond that, it’s just a device with which to torture yourself. If he dumped her, you think, “What’s to stop him from dumping me? You’re destined to wonder – however briefly – how much of him is still in love with her. And if you’re the one who winds up with him, it will fall upon you to help him cope. A man with a now-defunct marriage under his belt has learned a few things about himself, about what he has to work on, about what he can and cannot handle.
Because that’s exactly what a man needs after failing at a long term relationship. Men have a tendency to feel better when they have positive life momentum. Be a better parent, homemaker, employee and friend.